


Clockwork Puppet

by UntramenTaro



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Autobiographical, F/M, There's some implied Yukimura/Corrin in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UntramenTaro/pseuds/UntramenTaro
Summary: In my study there was a clockwork puppet, old and gathered with dust, that I had paid no mind to unless I had to move it aside to find some reference materials. This puppet was of a young girl and when you wound the key upon its back it would dance and play a song. I’ve long forgotten what sort of melody would play out of it; I could not even be sure that it even works now.





	Clockwork Puppet

**Author's Note:**

> I thought it would be interesting to have him tell about his own life. I've always been a fan of the unreliable narrator, but I'm afraid I couldn't really portray it the way I wanted to. Even if I may not be fully satisfied with how it turned out or how it ended, I hope you can enjoy how I imagine Yukimura's life.

In my study there was a clockwork puppet, old and gathered with dust, that I had paid no mind to unless I had to move it aside to find some reference materials. This puppet was of a young girl and when you wound the key upon its back it would dance and play a song. I’ve long forgotten what sort of melody would play out of it; I could not even be sure that it works now, as over a decade had passed since it had last found proper use. 

It was something I had built for the woman I loved, and when you reach my age you certainly feel nostalgic for such old dreams and flights of fancy. However, I cannot seem to find this puppet now, as my study (I loathe to admit it) is not well organized--though I suppose that you already could tell my private quarters would be as messy and disheveled as its owner.

Well now. If you’re curious who that woman was, that’s certainly my secret to keep. But perhaps if you truly wanted to know, I hope you don’t mind listening to my story, as taking it to my grave does not seem very appealing to me.

Where shall I start? Perhaps I should start by talking about myself. My mother was a strong woman, kind and courageous, and willing to give everything up for her family. Or so I was told. I never knew my mother; she had passed away while giving birth to me. My father was a serious and austere man, talented in almost all scholarly endeavors. It’s hard for me to remember much of him. The thing I remember most vividly about him was his broad back, bent over as he pored over books.

He certainly was not a man talented in child-rearing and as a single father he could hardly keep me out of trouble. He would read me books but as far as actually being taken care of he left that up to the maidservants. He had many duties and simply could not attend to the many needs of my infant self; though now as an adult I wonder if his neglect was because he blamed me for his wife’s death. I have been told that I resembled my mother and maybe seeing me reminded him of his loss. But if he held such sentiments, he most certainly never let them be known to me.

Lord Sumeragi was younger than my father and I remember he would come and play with me. I do recall following him around, doing everything I could to win his approval. I liked this man who came to play and watch over me. When I was 6, my father fell gravely ill and died on his sickbed. It was Lord Sumeragi who took me in, and raised me as his own son. I could never properly repay him for his kindness. I began to study earnestly in order to fill my father’s shoes and properly serve Lord Sumeragi as an advisor, though he’d laugh and say such things weren’t necessary.

When I was 12, I gained a younger brother. I remember that day in late spring when Prince Ryoma was born: Lord Sumeragi held him swaddled in blankets towards me and whispered “you see him, Ryoma? This is your big brother.” 

In between my studies of my father’s books and notes, I would watch over Ryoma. He was very well behaved, but that was truly only in hindsight that I understood that. At the time, I found him quite a handful but when Princess Hinoka was born a year or so later, she was most certainly more of a handful that he. I was soon a young teenager with two younger siblings in tow. “You have to be a good big brother to her, ok Ryoma?” I implored. “I can’t be Big Brother because you’re Big Brother,” he whined. It had taken me nearly an hour to explain that big brother was not my name but simply a title signifying our relationship.

In my father’s notes he had mentioned what he called “an automated army,” a series of machines and automations created to replace soldiers in order to minimize loss of life during the war. There were many hastily drawn blueprints of these clockwork soldiers, and I had spent a great deal of time analyzing them and building small projects to gain an understanding. Some of my projects included many small toys for Ryoma and Hinoka, though none as sophisticated as the clockwork puppet I had mentioned earlier.

I had begun to create strategies and tactics in earnest now, with much praise from Lord Sumeragi. However, I had devised a strategy that would cause the enemy army to be completely eliminated. The more enemy soldiers that we killed, the less force they could retaliate, I figured. It was the first and only time Lord Sumeragi scolded me, saying that loss of life on both sides should be minimized. “But why?” I asked. “Keeping our soldiers alive is much more important than that of the enemy, so preserving our forces while keeping the enemy’s down is the best strategy.” When he couldn’t get through my thick skull that compassion for all life was important, he had struck me across the cheek, telling me that even the enemy soldiers had a family to go back to, and to take them away from their families is no different from killing our own. I thought he was a soft fool. It had taken me many months after to truly understand what he had meant by that, and from then on my strategies took his values into account.

Soon years passed, Prince Takumi was born, and Princess Sakura a year later. It was with Princess Sakura’s birth, however, that caused health complications for the late Queen Ikona, and she passed away. Lord Sumeragi mourned greatly, though I could do nothing to help ease his loss.

A year later, Lord Sumeragi told me he had fallen in love with someone. A wonderful woman, bright and beautiful like the sun who had chased the clouds away from his heart. I was 19 at the time, not quite an adult but most certainly no child. My experience with the fairer sex was limited to the maidservants at the castle and my younger sisters Hinoka and Sakura, so I could not begin to fathom what emotions Lord Sumeragi described to me.

And one day I found a woman wandering the castle halls lost. Her clothes were of an unfamiliar style and make, but I surmised she was only a handful of years older than I. She had raven black hair and soft features, with eyes that held a hint of sadness. She was breathtakingly beautiful to the young and immature me. Well, I believe to an outsider listening to this tale now, it sounds like love at first sight. I can assure you it wasn’t, though I feel as if you wouldn’t believe me even if I insisted it wasn’t. 

She asked me if I could bring her to Lord Sumeragi’s quarters, and I willingly obliged. With this woman was a small child, no more than 3 years old, with silver hair. This child hid behind her, and I could only guess that she was this child’s mother. She and the child waved back when we parted ways.

Imagine my shock and surprise when later that evening Lord Sumeragi brought her forward and announced that this woman, Lady Mikoto, was to be his new wife. I’m not sure what emotion I had felt at that moment. Perhaps it could be described as heartbreak and disappointment, but for what exact reason I feel that I’ll let you speculate. He also introduced Lady Mikoto’s daughter, a young girl by the name of Corrin. She was shy, but she had the same smile as her mother.

With the new additions to the royal family, I became acutely aware of my status as an outsider. I had no place in this family of theirs, and Lord Sumeragi had stopped treating me as his son long ago. I soon started urging Ryoma and Hinoka to stop calling me “big brother” because I simply was not their brother. Ryoma put up a decent fight regarding this, but eventually he conceded and started simply referring to me as Yukimura. There certainly was some heartache on my end, but I simply could not longer pretend to serve the role of a son when I had become Lord Sumeragi’s confidant and advisor. 

I had begun to nurture a blooming talent in drawing, as I spent tireless hours drafting automations and maps and battle plans. It was a fun diversion for me to draw things other than battle plans, such as the flowers that bloomed on the grounds. One day I was caught doing so by Lady Mikoto. She told me I had a talent for it, and her smile made my heart beat faster. I could tell you that my pulse quickened due to the unexpected praise, but I’m sure you have other ideas.

As Lady Mikoto began to become more comfortable in the castle as the new queen, Lord Sumeragi implored her to take on some retainers, even offering his own retainers for her to take upon as servants. She declined, saying that she’ll be the judge of character on her own. Despite her appearance, it seemed that she could be stubborn when she wanted to be.

She soon took on the Kinshi Knight, Reina, as her retainer. Reina was around the same age as Lady Mikoto and, though skilled in battle, she and I would often butt heads over the implementation of my tactics. She told me I was going too easy on the enemy. The me of a few years ago would be inclined to agree, but of course she was never scolded by Lord Sumeragi like I was. To say she bullied me is putting it too harshly, but teasing doesn’t carry the exact gravity of how she would verbally tear me apart. However, no matter how small your problem, Reina would listen. I felt that Reina’s strength (and surprising softness) were a good asset to Lady Mikoto.

Her second choice of retainer was Orochi. Orochi was just a teenager at the time and heavily ostracized for her fortune telling ability. I sympathized with her. It’s never easy being the bearer of bad news, but the way people treated her as if she were the ill omen causing the bad luck made her somewhat reclusive. Though she had given some ominous future forecast to Lady Mikoto, Mikoto took her on as a retainer. As I recall, Orochi had foreseen an attack and protected Lady Mikoto and was subsequently scolded for it. From then on, Orochi began to be much more outgoing, free of her demons and fear that had held her back. After all, she had Lady Mikoto’s full confidence. I feel as if Orochi’s relationship with Lady Mikoto was not dissimilar to my own and Lord Sumeragi.

And her last retainer… must I say it? It was me. She had asked me to make a box of pictures for Corrin which was easily done with my craftsmanship, and soon after I had finished she asked me to become her retainer. I refused at first. I was one of the servants offered to become her retainer when Lord Sumeragi first gave her the idea, and I felt that if I wasn’t good enough for her then, I certainly was not good enough for her now. But she was persistent, I’ll give her that. There wasn’t a time where she wouldn’t try to make small talk and sway me to become her retainer, and eventually she had won me over. 

Life was wonderful for a time. I spent time adding to that memory box, drawing the family as they played with one another. I began making toys for the siblings and Corrin at Lady Mikoto’s request, though there were a vast majority of them that unfortunately did not pass muster. As the years went on, Lord Sumeragi and Lady Mikoto became increasingly busy, leaving making the amount of new memories I added to it dwindle in frequency. Something about it made my heart ache terribly, though perhaps it was misplaced loneliness. Though the siblings played with each other well enough, Corrin would always take time to look at the picture box when she found the time between her lessons. I couldn’t really imagine a child being nostalgic for how things used to be, especially for a girl so young, but I suppose I found a certain pride in being able to provide her some comfort in that way. 

The years following soon became a blur of events. King Garon of Nohr agreed to a temporary ceasefire, and invited Lord Sumeragi to negotiate a peace treaty. I had my doubts about King Garon’s intentions, but Lord Sumeragi assured me that things would work out. He was dearly wrong. It was a trap set by Nohr; Lord Sumeragi perished and Lady Corrin taken from us. Lady Mikoto lost not only her husband but her child as well. I recall as she wept, not fully capable of taking the brunt of her personal loss and shouldering the burden that was ruling a nation. 

It was wrong of me to have planned without Lady Mikoto’s approval, but I had plotted to try to bring Corrin back as quickly as possible. Gathered intelligence had indicated that Corrin was under constant surveillance, so I devised a plan to do a hostage exchange. I had hired Shura, a rather notorious outlaw and leader of a gang of thieves, to kidnap one of King Garon’s children. I had done a bit of research beforehand, and found that the daughter of Garon’s favorite consort was the least guarded and most likely the easiest to kidnap. It was a severe miscalculation to have believed that this was the best course of action.

When Shura returned with the Nohrian princess, I sent a message to King Garon informing him that we had his daughter and that we wished to offer her in exchange for Corrin. He refused. When I demanded to know why, he replied thus: “I have no use for her. If you have no use for her as well, you may kill her if you wish. It is no concern of mine.”

It truly shocked me how compassionless he was and how little he cared for the wellbeing of his own daughter. I felt overwhelming guilt that I had stranded this innocent girl to a foreign land with no home or family to return to. This girl, Azura… I would not be surprised if she hated me, but I could not bring myself to inform her that her own father did not care for her. When we told her she could not go home she was quiet and seemed oddly accepting of the outcome.  
Lady Mikoto scolded me after. I could only bow down and beg for forgiveness at her feet, but she would not forgive me so easily. She took in Azura, declaring that we must treat her as if she was a princess of Hoshido as well. For many years after, Hoshido recovered from the loss of their king and accepted their new princess.

During those years leading to Lady Mikoto’s death, I spent my years repenting for the error of my ways by assisting Lady Mikoto any way I could to make sure Hoshido’s governance went smoothly. Certainly it was a thankless task, but I could do little else to express my desire to make things right. 

When Lady Corrin returned to us, I felt as if I should stay by her side for Lady Mikoto’s sake. With time, however, I began to stay by her side for my own personal reasons, as selfish as they were. She wanted to know more about her parents and sought me, their close advisor, out to learn about them. It had taken me some time to find it, but I presented that picture box full of fond and wonderful memories to her. She was delighted. She would frequently visit to see the box, asking about each picture with urgency as if making up for lost time. It made me happy to be relied on in this way.

Then came a time in which my selfishness reached a tipping point, and I could bear no longer with simply being a conduit with to past. I wished that she would seek me out for my company rather than because of a service I provided, but I knew it was never in my place to demand such things. I felt that I was falling apart. I had admitted to Corrin that I had used the box to boost my own morale at times, to remind myself what I had to live for. Happiness. Family. I had based my life and happiness chasing after a family that was never mine. It was a form of deviancy in a way to have claimed happiness vicariously through their family, but there was no atoning for it now. It was pathetic of me, a man slowly reaching his 40’s, to feel this way but perhaps I am not so mature as I thought I was. I could only describe the feeling as loneliness. 

But after coming to term with my feelings, I no longer feel this way. Whatever regrets I had before certainly do not apply anymore; after making this decision, I feel like no matter what the outcome, I will have something better to live for now. I’ve been pushing this back for far too long, and I know the more I wait the less confidence I will have to say it.

I’ve talked too much. Now then. Where could that clockwork puppet be? Ah, if I can’t find it, I’ll figure something else out. It seems I’ve been trying to excavate more and more of my old inventions out of my study lately, starting with that picture box. Perhaps something old would not be the best way to say it… I know! I’ll draw a new memory for that picture box we both hold so dear and maybe I can finally say it.

“I love you.”


End file.
